Here I sit on a night that is almost a full year from my last post . . . and it's amazing to me how much my life has changed.

I could list all the ways I feel differently now, but as I started typing them out I got about 2 lines in and deleted what I typed. I decided that rather than look back, I'd like to look forward.

Staying at that job for as long as I did and sitting in that car for an many hours as I did brought down my whole spirit in ways I never imagined it would. It drained me. It took more of me from myself than I'd like to admit. And looking back at this point just doesn't make much sense.

This is about moving forward - looking forward.

What it comes down to is this - it's time for a great big slow down in my life. My life was slow this past year, but not in the ways I wanted it to be. It was 15 miles in the fast lane on the 405 and 9 hours full of what I called "time management".

This is about clearing out all that bad energy, learning from it, and taking back my life. It's about achieving in each day the things I'd like to achieve. This is about enjoying the sun and giving in to more kisses. It's about talking to far away loved ones not just to pass the time in the car, but because I want to hear about their day. It's about clearing my monkey mind and relaxing without worrying about what else I need be doing. It's about sitting on my couch with a glass of wine and truly enjoying everything about being there. It's about falling asleep when I want to. It's about turning the tv off and going for more walks and bike rides. It's about sitting on my balcony. It's about making brownies. It's about fully melting into the sand on the weekends.

It's about so so many things . . .

This is about me stopping with the juggling and just holding on to the things that are most important.

. . . and honestly, I can't do anything else in this moment but just shake my head and sigh some relief because it just feels so good to know what I have to look forward to.